Dec 21, 2025
When an Oregon man called into The Ramsey Show with a tale of emotional and financial woes around child support, Ken Coleman and Jade Warshaw said it could be a No. 1 country hit.
“If you’ve got any musical talent you should write this one, ‘cause it could really take off,” Coleman said.
Advertisement
Elijah and his ex-fiancée are expecting a child. He’s been sending her $500 in child support every month — even though she won’t promise him a role in their child’s future.
“She hasn’t really guaranteed me that I’m even going to get to have a relationship with our baby,” he told co-hosts Ken Coleman and Jade Warshaw (1).
Elijah’s ex already has two other children by two other dads who paid child support, but cut her off.
Coleman and Warshaw agreed that Elijah was being emotionally manipulated.
“You dodged a bullet,” Coleman said. “This is not a woman that I think you want to settle down with. We’ve got two other dudes, two other kids, she is taking advantage of you. She doesn’t value you. ”
Both co-hosts offered him advice — but they didn’t fully agree on what he owed the mother of his child as they learned more about his messy situation.
The trouble with informal child support
Elijah said he and his ex were engaged but that she broke it off. Soon after, she discovered she was pregnant with his child and he suggested they reconcile. She briefly moved into his place with her two other kids, but was unhappy and moved out with the help of another ex.
After that ex-boyfriend left town, she asked Elijah for financial help. She currently lives rent-free on her grandmother’s property.
Advertisement
“Her only income source is child support,” Elijah said. “If I’m not supporting her, nobody is. She’s the mother of my child. I don’t want her to go hungry while she’s growing our baby.”
He started paying $500 a month based on what her other exes used to pay for their respective kids.
But since those dads stopped sending her cash, she’s been pressuring Elijah for two to three times that amount — even though she’s refusing to co-parent with him. Elijah admitted he’s been sending her extra cash as she requests it.
“It’s really hard to not feel that I’m being taken advantage of,” he said.
Coleman said Elijah absolutely was being taken advantage of. He suggested Elijah limit the child support to the $500 a month he originally agreed to, and not give in to extra financial demands.
He added that it’s not Elijah’s job to solve his ex’s financial struggles with “two deadbeat dudes.”
Advertisement
Warshaw said she disagreed, as Elijah’s ex-fiancée’s financial burden could impact how she cares for Elijah’s child.
But both she and Coleman agreed that Elijah needs to get a judge involved in this situation.
A judge could make an objective legal ruling on both child support and co-parenting, removing emotional manipulation from the equation.
Warshaw pointed out that child support guidelines are set by the state, not an ex-partner with a list of demands. She said the standard is 17% of the non-custodial partner’s income.
Must Read
- Dave Ramsey warns nearly 50% of Americans are making 1 big Social Security mistake — here’s what it is and the simple steps to fix it ASAP
- Robert Kiyosaki begs investors not to miss this ‘explosion’ — says this 1 asset will surge 400% in a year
- Vanguard reveals what could be coming for U.S. stocks, and it’s raising alarm bells for retirees. Here’s why and how to protect yourself
Join 250,000+ readers and get Moneywise’s best stories and exclusive interviews first — clear insights curated and delivered weekly. Subscribe now.
What expectant fathers need to know about child support
Currently, 3.8 million single parents have a formal child support agreement.
But Elijah’s situation — in which ex-partners have an informal child support agreement — is increasingly common. In 2003, 60% of child support was based on a formal, legal agreement. That started declining and flatlined at 50% in 2009, where it remains (2).
Advertisement
Meanwhile, there’s been a growth in non-cash child support like gifts or groceries. But as the U.S. Office of Child Support Services explains, informal gifts carry no legal protection, guarantee of custody or visitation down the road.
What starts as “doing the right thing” can turn into a financial trap, especially when boundaries haven’t been set, like with Elijah’s situation.
That’s why it’s wise to pursue a formal ruling with a judge, using state formulas to keep it fair, with the non-custodial parent providing support to help with everything from rent and groceries to clothes and school supplies.
Here are some things expectant fathers should keep in mind before agreeing to any kind of child support, formal or informal (4):
You have rights even before the child is born.
You can establish paternity, file for custody or visitation and protect your role from day one — even before the child is born.
Child support doesn’t start until after the baby is born.
Since paternity usually isn’t official until the baby is born, most courts won’t enforce child support before birth. Unfortunately, it also means courts won’t give you credit for any money you provided to the custodial parent before your child was born.
Off-the-books payments leave you open to manipulation.
They’re not credited by the court and can sometimes lead to more and more demands.
Supporting a baby doesn’t mean funding your ex’s lifestyle.
Your legal obligation is to the child and not to unrelated bills, other kids or gaps left by previous partners to fund your ex’s lifestyle.
You need to document everything.
A court-managed support order makes sure that there is fairness, helps sets boundaries, and protects both parents from future blowups. That’s not so easy with undocumented, informal agreements.
Elijah’s story is a warning about what can happen when money, emotion and unclear boundaries collide.
As parents navigate breakups, blended families and rising living costs, the smartest move is to establish and protect your role, your rights and your long-term financial stability before your baby is born.
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); International Union for the Scientific Study of Population (2); U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (3); American Pregnancy Association (4)
You May Also Like
- Turning 50 with $0 saved for retirement? Most people don’t realize they’re actually just entering their prime earning decade. Here are 6 ways to catch up fast
- This 20-year-old lotto winner refused $1M in cash and chose $1,000/week for life. Now she’s getting slammed for it. Which option would you pick?
- Warren Buffett used these 8 repeatable money rules to turn $9,800 into a $150B fortune. Start using them today to get rich (and stay rich)
- Here are 5 easy ways to own multiple properties like Bezos and Beyoncé. You can start with $10 (and no, you don’t have to manage a single thing)
Jessica is a freelance writer with a professional background in economic development and small business consulting. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Communications and Sociology and is completing her Publishing Certificate.
