Michigan woman says her siblings taught their kids to call her ‘Big Money’ since she’s become debt-free — but Dave Ramsey says it’s no laughing matter

Suzy from Michigan says that her and her husband are in a good place financially, having paid off all their debt, including their house. Unfortunately, she said her siblings have trained their young children to call them names, and ask for money [1].

Here's Ramsey’s frank advice, and what to do when your success affects family dynamics.

Financial jealousy in families

“My siblings … have started coaching their toddlers to call us ‘Big Money,’” Suzy wrote. “They encourage their children to say things like 'Hey, Big Money, we want to go to Disney, so can you go and pay for us?'”

Suzy said that while she took it as a joke at first, it has kept up despite her telling her family repeatedly that she and her husband prefer to be called aunt and uncle rather than ‘Big Money.’ She is also upset that her siblings expect her to host every family gathering, without contributing anything.

"I feel like this behavior is disrespectful," Suzy explained. At the same time, she also said her siblings are "fragile," so she isn’t sure exactly how to handle the situation.

Ramsey didn’t mince words: He told her to sit them down and say, "Your kids are being brats. Stop it. Seriously, stop it."

When Cruze challenged him about whether he’d actually tell family their kids were brats, Ramsey stood firm.

“I might at least say, ‘They’re bratty. They’re being bratty,’” he said.

“And you’re teaching them this [behavior] and you shouldn’t.”

Ramsey affirmed that he felt the parents were “sending their kids to do their dirty work,” which he and Cruze advised Suzy and her husband to nip in the bud. They recommended not only speaking up every time the nieces and nephews were acting out in this way, but also refusing to bear the full cost of hosting moving forward, and setting firm boundaries around their money.

When money gets funny in families

Nazli Kibria, professor of sociology at Boston University, wrote in Psychology Today that problems with income gaps between siblings are common [2]. Her research seeks to understand how money impacts cross-class families, or ones where siblings make significantly different salaries [3]. She describes many common sources of conflict within this type of family dynamic, including:

• Gift giving when the value of gifts is unequal.
• Loans between siblings.
• Destructive patterns where the wealthier child is viewed as the "golden child."

She suggests that families identify these red flags and take steps to mitigate them, with practical advice like setting price limits on gifts or agreeing not to exchange them at all; avoiding loaning money and choosing to gift money instead when it is really needed; and focusing on understanding each other and the different life paths each has taken.

Experts suggest that wealth inequality can loom large in family dynamics because of the importance society places on money as a marker of power and control [4]. As a result, if a wealthier sibling tries to take charge, others could be left feeling resentful because of it.

Kevin William Grant, a registered psychotherapist, writes that competition, comparison amongst siblings, past financial problems and fear of having too little resources can exacerbate already strained family dynamics [5]. When one sibling is jealous of the other about money, this can lead to chronic stress, depression, anxiety and erosion of self-worth.

Learning emotional regulation techniques through therapy and reframing beliefs about money and each sibling’s role in the family can help to lessen the issues. Family therapy can also help to uncover the deeper issues that underpin a sibling’s negative reaction to another’s wealth.

“It’s not funny,” Ramsey said of Suzy’s siblings’ behavior. “It’s passive aggressive.”

By making it a point not to give into jealousy, not to confuse money with power or control and not to engage in activities like uncontrolled gift giving or lending, families can hope to avoid situations like this one.

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